Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
