I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize