Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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