making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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