I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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