you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
