i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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