Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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