nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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