p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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