Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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