her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
