Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize