Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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