Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just pynch a tree in the face
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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