Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
