I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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