Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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