Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize