i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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