I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
