You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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