i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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