im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
