Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
