I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
