Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
