I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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