So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
