Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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