nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
