Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
