I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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