He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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