True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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