WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize