I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
