Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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