Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize