Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize