I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
