I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
