the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How drunk are you?
Completed.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
