so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
