So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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