I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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