I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
