The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
