If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
