My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
