Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
