Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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