She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
