I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
