I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
