everyone is single if you try hard enough
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
