I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
