i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why do cheetos always look like penises
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
