smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
