hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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