i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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