have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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