I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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